U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
