Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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