you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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