your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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