Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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