before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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