A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
