apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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