Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
