Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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