It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
