She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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