nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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