Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
