Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
