I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
