Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
