when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
