I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
These tits shall not be calmed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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