Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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