you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
