He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
