oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
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I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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