i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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