if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
