you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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