this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
how drunk are you?
Several
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
