why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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