I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
