hotel room ftw
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
