She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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