Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
