SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
