If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
