i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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