OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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