when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
