Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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