WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
