drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sext me about skeletons
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
