Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
