Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
