just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
