I wannas sexs uuuuu
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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