my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
