Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
