No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
