you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
