Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
