Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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