She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
