i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
