id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
