Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
