you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
