How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
