I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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