D3 body, D1 cock
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
