Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
