Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
