What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
