he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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