I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
