His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
