He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
