What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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