You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
