Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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