You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
