Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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