She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
