I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
