In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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