I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
