I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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