After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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