Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
