Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are we still banned from the library?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Randomize
