I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
