I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
