This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
