from now on my penis is your penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
