i just had sex bonerless
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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