If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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