If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
