You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize