The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
